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I Have Changed and the Change Feels Good

I have changed and the change feels good

The last 4 years have been very interesting for me. I am using the word Interesting instead of a stronger language word. It has changed me . I’ve lost a bunch of important people and animals in my life. My career had some gigantic lows and now some amazing highs. My health went bad and now I’m coming out of that. In other words life happened and it profoundly affected me.

I also turned 50 this year and that has forced me to take a good look at my life and see where I am. So I am changed.

Some People are having a hard time with me being changed. Other folks haven’t even noticed. But everyone is finding out through my actions and words. Things that were okay for me before aren’t so now. I used to let certain things slide, no anymore. I would settle!! No more of that. I know I can survive just about anything that is put in front of me. There is comfort in that. I don’t have to accept the way I can be treated. I can accept the person for who they are but I don’t have to let them treat me however they feel.

I like the newer, much improved me. I’m okay with the choices that I am making for me! I invite everyone to do the same. It feels great!!

Photo by Doug Frerichs

 

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Do People Really Care About Your Feelings

I have been asking myself this question for the last few years after having exchanges with people in my life. And my answer is leaning towards….no!

It’s amazing how self centered we have become as a society. We can probably list 10 reasons why we are here and in this state, but to me I’m beyond that. It’s amazing to me.

One of my theories based on my experiences is that people are desperately wanting to be seen and heard and valued. Its almost at all costs with no shame. It’s all about being hurt or feeling neglected or being lonely. I’ve had so many disagreements where the fight becomes about the way the fight is going and the reason for the fight gets smaller and smaller. I’ve been in arguments where it boils down to miscommunication or misunderstanding and that person needs to let you know how hurt they are. Even if it was their reason you are in the fight in the first place.

Many times I’m on the short end of the stick of people looking out for me or checking on me. I went through a rough medical issue and maybe 5 people checked on me. FIVE. Now that I’m feeling better, people are trying to resume my role as caretaker and listener and helper. But I don’t want the role anymore, so I changed the rules because I’m a changed person. Those folks don’t seem to understand. And some of them are mad at me and making it all about them. Hmmm.

I feel you get what you give. I also know that you teach people how to treat you. I am a participant in this. Can’t blame it all on other people. I miss the “village” mentality where we all look out for each other and that includes our feelings.

I have to end this to say that i do have a few people who are thoughtful and do care about my feelings. Not very many but a few. I think it’s now a byproduct of everything. We need to connect and be present with each other. I will hold out hope

 

Happy Anniversary Bells Palsy?

 

A year ago today, my life split into “Pre” and “Post”. I look at the pictures from the early days and months and I cringe. Sometimes my emotions come to the forefront and I am remembering how I felt not being able to use half of my face. I remember not being able to think clearly or see clearly. I was trapped in my own body and in my mind. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me!

One of the strangest things about having Bells Palsy is that you don’t know and it can’t be predicted when you will be back to normal. People were telling me I would start to feel better in a few weeks. Yes that happens for some, but I was like many others where it continued and continued and continued. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Correction, I saw the light but it was a train coming at me!

This week my bells has been “acting up”. Luckily i have my support group to look to for guidance. My left side of my face has felt sore, my left eye has been a little watery, there has been some twitching under my left eye. It isn’t continous, but it comes and goes and its annoying as …But I do know some of the triggers and have routines to address each issue.

One thing I am thankful out of this trying year is that it has enchanced my business. I became obsessed with sharing Bells Palsy with the world. People of all ages are getting it and nobody is talking about it! So I developed a series of workshop based on my illness and practicing self care. It has taken me across the country and in front a wide variety of people! It has been so satisfying to see people open to the idea of self care and better health! And it fits with my LIfe Coaching, Professional Organizing, and Entertainment businesses.

I am grateful to be here on Earth still, that I am 95 percent better, and I am able to get out there and be creative and useful. I worked very hard to come back from Bells and again I would not wish this on anyone! A year ago today, my life changed forever…for the better.

To learn more click here 

 

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Changing The Rules With Those Close To You

Over the last 10 years I have changed the ules with those close to me, So what does that mean?

Well I let people treat me a certain way for a period of time. Then I woke up  (usually thru self discovery or with help of a professional) and decided it was not okay anymore and changed MY behavior. THEN I didn’t accept the ways they continued to treat me.

I had to realized that it all begins and ends with ME. I can’t change THIER ways of doing things, but I could change my reactions.

I got tired of feeling bad or that I always got “the short end of the stick.” IN some cases you can talk with the people you are dealing with and sometimes change and growth can happen together. Of course that is usually the desired outcome you want! But many times that is not the reality. You have to find a way to let go of what THEY are doing and be strong and move forward and be able to defend yourself.

It’s oaky to say NO. It’s okay to simply say when something doesn’t work for you. It’s okay.

I quietly started changed the rules with certain people. I don’t even know if THEY have noticed. I havent done it in a mean way. When someone who does NOTHING for me asks for my help with something, I say NO if I  feel like it. AND don’t feel bad. If you talk to me a certain way, I choose how I want to respond and there are times I might not respond. I’m much happier these days.

I don’t let people put thier “stuff” on me! And you shouldn’t either. I try to walk through the world with care and compassion and non judgement. I stay in my lane and try to be nice to everyone. I also believe in being treated a certain way that is respectful to me! I encourage you all to do the same!

 

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What Does Being Proud Mean

 

June is Gay Pride Month. February is Black History Month. March 17th is St Patricks Day. May 5th is Cinco De Mayo. The foruth Thursday of November is Thanksgiving. It has got me thinking about these specialized moments. These are set aside for specifice groups or events that happened. Each has their celebrators as well as their detractors. Blacks joke that we get the shortest month of the year. Some straight people are pissed there isn’t a pride parade for them. Some of the beginnings of theses days may have some controversy. It begs the question, do these moments help or hurt us?

Many people forget or don’t know some of these pride moments were born out of struggle and fight. Times to find their place in the world and be acounted for. They can be moments for awareness and education. It is no pain olympiics. We are in a great time. Some of the “history” is not accurate and not that’s changing. We are able to tell the correct history and right wrongs from the past!

There is room for everyone to be who they are. No one needs to feels threatned by any of these. We should feel proud of who we are and where we come from. We should feel proud of our rich heritages. It’s okay to look back and celebrate how far we’ve come. In the end, my hope is that we learn from the past and not repeat or continue things that don’t help us.

 

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I Have Reached The Half Century Mark Today!

I live by Jim Carrey’s words!! Sooooo true! I find as I get older that your mind really does shift from pleasing others to doing what’s best for you! 

I don’t know what people thought when I was born in 1969. It was a very different time in our history. Now as I look back on my 50 year history, It is remarkable that I am where I am today. I overcame many things. I worked hard. I have started over several times in life. I have survived. I have thrived. I’ve had amazing people in my life and not so great people in life as well, but each has taught me major life lessons.

Turning 50 makes me highly aware of my mortality. Chances are I have less years ahead of me than more years. I feel a sense of urgency to get all the things done that I want to do. But I also feel a sense of self care, more time for myself in the middle of all the things that I do. 

I am grateful to God that I have made it because there are many who don’t and I plan to continue to try to affect change in the world! 

 

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9 Days till 50!

SO it’s May 1st! May 1, 2019.

What does that mean exactly?

Well we are entering the fifth month of the year! I can’t believe that much time has passed already. I am two months shy of my Bells Palsy diagnosis 1 year anniversary. THAT is crazy. It seems like a distance memory in some ways. I look at those pics and videos and I feel so bad for that James. I have come a long way in my recovery. I am 95 percent better. It was a long, scary, challenging road. Now cut to tonight where I’ll be standing in front of the National Association of Pre Natal Social Workers in Savannah Georgia sharing part of that experience in my presentation of Self Care For the Social Worker. I feel so grateful and honored to be able to get out there and talk about this!

I have started a series of Self Care’s: For the Social Worker, For The Professional Organizer, Why Gardening is Great, this is my crusade. People are dying OR having major health issues at younger and younger ages. I Am able to combine health and wellness with my Life Coaching and organizing AND i have experiences to share.

My birthday is 9 days from now. I will be 50 years old. I don’t know what that means in the large scheme of things, but I do know one thing:

Life is a series of up and downs and cant avoid them but you can move through them!

Happy May!

 

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