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It’s not easy to do sometimes. It’s not easy to a lot of the time! But it is necessary to do If you want to continue in life. Sure you can be negative and live but what kind of life is that?!
I don’t like living darkly. Living darkly can lead me to think and do all kinds of things that will hurt me and others around me. I choose to look for the positive spin on things. That doesn’t mean that I don’t see the negative, I see it. I look for something out of it can help me.
A great example is my Bells Palsy! It sucked to have it! I hated having it! Now I take that experience and travel across the country and share it with others in a presentation format and get paid for it!! Now I’m helping others that might be going through it or something similar. I found the positive.
I invite you all to try.
I have changed and the change feels good
The last 4 years have been very interesting for me. I am using the word Interesting instead of a stronger language word. It has changed me . I’ve lost a bunch of important people and animals in my life. My career had some gigantic lows and now some amazing highs. My health went bad and now I’m coming out of that. In other words life happened and it profoundly affected me.
I also turned 50 this year and that has forced me to take a good look at my life and see where I am. So I am changed.
Some People are having a hard time with me being changed. Other folks haven’t even noticed. But everyone is finding out through my actions and words. Things that were okay for me before aren’t so now. I used to let certain things slide, no anymore. I would settle!! No more of that. I know I can survive just about anything that is put in front of me. There is comfort in that. I don’t have to accept the way I can be treated. I can accept the person for who they are but I don’t have to let them treat me however they feel.
I like the newer, much improved me. I’m okay with the choices that I am making for me! I invite everyone to do the same. It feels great!!
Photo by Doug Frerichs
I have been asking myself this question for the last few years after having exchanges with people in my life. And my answer is leaning towards….no!
It’s amazing how self centered we have become as a society. We can probably list 10 reasons why we are here and in this state, but to me I’m beyond that. It’s amazing to me.
One of my theories based on my experiences is that people are desperately wanting to be seen and heard and valued. Its almost at all costs with no shame. It’s all about being hurt or feeling neglected or being lonely. I’ve had so many disagreements where the fight becomes about the way the fight is going and the reason for the fight gets smaller and smaller. I’ve been in arguments where it boils down to miscommunication or misunderstanding and that person needs to let you know how hurt they are. Even if it was their reason you are in the fight in the first place.
Many times I’m on the short end of the stick of people looking out for me or checking on me. I went through a rough medical issue and maybe 5 people checked on me. FIVE. Now that I’m feeling better, people are trying to resume my role as caretaker and listener and helper. But I don’t want the role anymore, so I changed the rules because I’m a changed person. Those folks don’t seem to understand. And some of them are mad at me and making it all about them. Hmmm.
I feel you get what you give. I also know that you teach people how to treat you. I am a participant in this. Can’t blame it all on other people. I miss the “village” mentality where we all look out for each other and that includes our feelings.
I have to end this to say that i do have a few people who are thoughtful and do care about my feelings. Not very many but a few. I think it’s now a byproduct of everything. We need to connect and be present with each other. I will hold out hope
A year ago today, my life split into “Pre” and “Post”. I look at the pictures from the early days and months and I cringe. Sometimes my emotions come to the forefront and I am remembering how I felt not being able to use half of my face. I remember not being able to think clearly or see clearly. I was trapped in my own body and in my mind. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me!
One of the strangest things about having Bells Palsy is that you don’t know and it can’t be predicted when you will be back to normal. People were telling me I would start to feel better in a few weeks. Yes that happens for some, but I was like many others where it continued and continued and continued. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Correction, I saw the light but it was a train coming at me!
This week my bells has been “acting up”. Luckily i have my support group to look to for guidance. My left side of my face has felt sore, my left eye has been a little watery, there has been some twitching under my left eye. It isn’t continous, but it comes and goes and its annoying as …But I do know some of the triggers and have routines to address each issue.
One thing I am thankful out of this trying year is that it has enchanced my business. I became obsessed with sharing Bells Palsy with the world. People of all ages are getting it and nobody is talking about it! So I developed a series of workshop based on my illness and practicing self care. It has taken me across the country and in front a wide variety of people! It has been so satisfying to see people open to the idea of self care and better health! And it fits with my LIfe Coaching, Professional Organizing, and Entertainment businesses.
I am grateful to be here on Earth still, that I am 95 percent better, and I am able to get out there and be creative and useful. I worked very hard to come back from Bells and again I would not wish this on anyone! A year ago today, my life changed forever…for the better.
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Over the last 10 years I have changed the ules with those close to me, So what does that mean?
Well I let people treat me a certain way for a period of time. Then I woke up (usually thru self discovery or with help of a professional) and decided it was not okay anymore and changed MY behavior. THEN I didn’t accept the ways they continued to treat me.
I had to realized that it all begins and ends with ME. I can’t change THIER ways of doing things, but I could change my reactions.
I got tired of feeling bad or that I always got “the short end of the stick.” IN some cases you can talk with the people you are dealing with and sometimes change and growth can happen together. Of course that is usually the desired outcome you want! But many times that is not the reality. You have to find a way to let go of what THEY are doing and be strong and move forward and be able to defend yourself.
It’s oaky to say NO. It’s okay to simply say when something doesn’t work for you. It’s okay.
I quietly started changed the rules with certain people. I don’t even know if THEY have noticed. I havent done it in a mean way. When someone who does NOTHING for me asks for my help with something, I say NO if I feel like it. AND don’t feel bad. If you talk to me a certain way, I choose how I want to respond and there are times I might not respond. I’m much happier these days.
I don’t let people put thier “stuff” on me! And you shouldn’t either. I try to walk through the world with care and compassion and non judgement. I stay in my lane and try to be nice to everyone. I also believe in being treated a certain way that is respectful to me! I encourage you all to do the same!